Monday, December 24, 2012

Merry Christmas!!

It's been a little over a year since I started this blog, and I've had more readers than I expected, and one steady commenter (what's up, Doom Finger?) and all in all, it's been quite a year.

I've written a couple of essays that I'll be posting soon, as well as my own song for the revolution (as soon as I can figure out how to get a good recording of it) called Lysander's Ghost that I'm pretty excited about.

I hope everyone out there has a merry Christmas. I know I will. My wife got me this shirt.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Defying Science Through Legislation

Crazy exists. It is an element in nature. The Sandy Hook massacre only proves this, to a horribly disgusting degree. Of course, after horrible tragedies like this, the morgue dancers come out in full force, misreporting, misinforming, and opinionating all over the place. During the initial chaos, I heard that two men (then two brothers, then just one of the brothers, but the wrong one) had opened fire at an elementary school where his girlfriend (then his mother) was a teacher (now they're saying he killed his mother in her house and stole her guns, so why the hell was he at the school?), killed her and an entire kindergarten class. He also killed his father, who would later release a statement about how sorry he was for his sons actions (since, no, he's apparently not dead).

Then there are the nannies, who think that that the man who illegally stole guns, illegally took those guns to a school, and illegally murdered 20 kids and 6 adults, could have possibly been stopped by just one more law.

We need to stop looking at motive. Crazy has no motive, no grand inspiration. If anyone's motive needs to be discussed, it should be that of the teacher who hid her classroom full of kids in the bathroom, said, "I just need you all to know that I love you very much," before sacrificing herself to this lunatic. I want to know what her motive was, what drove her, and how we as a society can create more of her.

We cannot legislate a change in human evolution. When legislation is used to try and combat human insanity, often times, the most dangerously insane people control the legislation. Crazy will continue to exist, laws and regulations be damned.

We could look at the warning signs, but according to everyone who knew this guy, he was a walking red-flag. I don't bring this up to say "nobody tried to help him," but to say, "some people are beyond help." I don't think there is anything anyone could have done to prevent this., aside from being lucky and quick enough to shoot him first.

I don't think that these tragedies can be avoided. It's part of our earthly experience. The only thing we can do is arm ourselves and be vigilant.

Stay safe.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

It feels like dying

Having Celiac Sprue disease fucking sucks. I cannot stress this enough. I don't eat out, not even at friend's or families houses. I can't. My body can't take it. I'm scared to weigh myself; I don't want to know what I'm wasting away to.

I suppose I should explain what this bullshit is: Long story short, if I ingest 3 molecules or more of gluten, a protein found in wheat, barley and rye, my body declares all out war on itself for about a month. I'm talking about a single, solitary crumb, a grain of flour for Christ's sake.

And for about 3-4 weeks, it's nothing but stomach cramps that render me immobile, simultaneous constipation AND diarrhea (you don't even know how to imagine that, do you?), vomiting, involuntary anorexia (because eating ANYTHING during this time hurts worse than starvation), even more stomach cramping, and to top it all off, I don't have a fucking clue what did it to me. I know I sure as shit didn't eat a piece of bread or drink a beer or something stupid like that. Could have been a crumb under my fingernail (I have a bad habit of biting them), could have been a cross-contaminated fork or some bullshit.

Because the thing is, I'm not allergic to gluten. I don't swell up right away or immediately start puking. See, that would actually be preferable, because then I could say, "okay, I'm never fuckin eating THAT again," but that's not how it works. Anywhere from 24-48 hours after I get glutaminated (that's my word, but feel free to use it), I'll start having the stomach cramps from hell. But I don't know which one of the things I ate in the 2 days prior that betrayed me.

I was born with this, but wasn't diagnosed until 2 years ago. Doctors said I wasn't too far from irreversible damage. Now for some technical jargon: inside your intestines are these little tree like things called villi. They're the things that absorb nutrients and vitamins and all the shit that makes you healthy. When they did the endoscopy on me, the doctor said, "it looks like someone clear-cut your forest." All my villi were gone. But the body is an amazing thing, and they assured me, as long as I didn't ingest anymore gluten, my intestines would repair itself.

The problem is, every 3-4 months or so, some crumb or something gets in my system. I got glutaminated somewhere around Thanksgiving, and I still haven't recovered. I've spent most of this week either on the toilet, or crumpled up in the fetal position begging for a quick death.

I'm not joking about that last part. I've been depressed and suicidal before, and this is nothing like that. I'm happy with my life, and ending it is not something I've contemplated in well over a decade. But when it feels like you're dying, when every breath, every sip of water, every waking moment hurts, you start to think, "fuck you, death! If you're gonna do it, just do it already!" I don't want to die, but holy fuck, this pain is intense. I just want it to end.

*I am not suicidal. I promise. This just sucks.*

edited to add: I usually weigh around 145-150. I'm down to 119. I've lost over 20 pounds in 3 weeks. Also, this is my favorite shirt.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Music for the revolution

***Fixed the links***
Songs have a great ability to move people and also make them think. So here's some great songs for the soundtrack to the revolution:

The Lion and The Wolf
This is a great song about how there is no difference between the democrats and republicans. The lion's claws are sharpened for war, the wolf's teeth are red...
An awesome song about freedom. Tell me, are you free?
The Arsonist
This is probably my favorite Thrice song. I think maybe all that's needed is flint and hardened steel, because I don't think that anyone of them believes the revolution's real.

Demon Hunter:
Thisis the Line
Metal-as-f**k, this song melts faces. Which side are you on?
We Don't Care
Patrick Judge is a Guitar God. Nuff said.

Parkway Drive:
Not one more step in the name of progress... Just bodies through the teeth of the combine.

Boy Sets Fire:
Release The Dogs
Blowback, patriot act, and the line, "hands tied with pleasure, now we're choking on their cum." What more could you ask for?
Why waste our time on bended knee, choosing not to be free?

They will not force us, they will stop degrading us, they will not control us, we will be victorious.

We Say
This is my favorite band of all time. I once drove 500 miles to see them play in a middle-school gym.
Future History Of The Broken Hearted
Guilty of treason, so un-American, just don't call me blind.

Well, that's it. I'm gonna get some sleep.